Few things piss me off more than when someone tells me a story that is meant to solicit a particular response from me. Seems more times than not the response they are soliciting is help of some kind. No matter why they are not able to come right out and ask in simple language what it is they need or want, it is dead easy for me to spot their manipulation. And manipulation it is. Something prevents them from speaking plainly to their need or want and they know if they skirt the edges long enough the other person (me) will intuit where they are headed and pity them by jumping to the conclusion. I refuse.

The reason I refuse to save them? Shame and guilt. My shame is they are me. My guilt is I am a liar and conniver. In my day I was able to manipulate those who loved me into doing my bidding by leveraging their love and by putting them in the uncomfortable spot of feeling on some level their intuitiveness telling them what to do in order to get out of the their comfortableness.

I cannot tolerate a liar or thief and these behaviors are reflections of both. My guilt and shame are not platforms allowing support for such behavior in others today.

Typically it takes a certain desperation to knowingly be so manipulative. For me, it was a matter of life or death. My only defense is that I always chose life, though to the detriment of relationships with most who loved me. The upside is I am here today and, where there has been no risk of further damage, have made direct amends to those folks. Where the risk was too great I have done my best to make a living amends. This post is part of my living amends.

Some of you out there know me and know where of I speak. You know the man I have been and the man I am today. You have likely been a target of my manipulations. To you I give thanks for allowing me to fall from your grace such that I was able to receive the Grace and succor such as my Lord and Savior provides me daily.

Love

Wint