Righteous indignation is typically a reactive emotion of anger over perceived mistreatment, insult, or malice. It is akin to what is called the sense of injustice. In some Christian doctrines, righteous indignation is considered the only form of anger which is not sinful, e.g., when Jesus drove the money lenders out of the temple. (Gospel of Matthew 21).
OK … so I’m good, right? I am sinless and my indignation is righteous. Then why do I not feel better?
As a bit of ticking might interrupt a good night’s sleep, so your words interrupt my wallowing in righteous indignation. The power of “the five” has been lessoned by time and attention and so this interruption is more akin to a passing thought than a distraction. Still … I am sufficiently attentive that I know there is something for me here.
My self-worth (that might not be the right word) does not support ignoring an awareness that I might lesson another’s burden with some self-sacrifice on my part. Even more poignant, it might be I who is the root of another’s burden.
So it is with these thoughts that I reach out to you. It is not without trepidation that I do so as I have perceived injustices to which I hold you somehow, in part, accountable. The vagueness of these injustices are only matched by their age. They are “perceived” as their accounting is long buried in my document and email archives, never to be revisited by me. For the revisiting of them would be as picking a scab that if left alone would heal in its own time.
For me, fairness does not play a significant role in a relationship. In my book, when given a chance to play, it is not required we play fair. It is only required that we play. We may not take our ball and go home. So … I am not particularly concerned with whether I have wronged you, or whether you have wronged me. I am however very concerned with unnecessarily perpetuating negative perceptions, whether they are “valid” or not. And, I am concerned with risking my heart. (Hey! I’m playing here, OK? Don’t be mad.)
You fill a unique spot in my heart and I love you dearly. When I narrate Dad’s slides during my visits with Mama I am drawn to images of you in a way that is unique to our shared lives and it is at once comforting and joyful. It is only in context with “the five” that I experience the perceived injustice(s) done to me. To further muddle things, I know, or at least believe, there has never been an awareness on your part of any malice towards me. Ain’t that the shits? You are offered a chance at recompense for a cost you didn’t incur!
So I want to play. I could care less who knows we play, or even whether they watch, but for now I am looking for some virtual one on one. You up for it?
“As sand through the hour glass of time, so go the days of our lives.” Hey! It beats Peyton Place! 🙂