While his tortured mind could not grasp the actuality of it, Lee was, in all actuality, sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, one day at a time.
Being sick and tired is devastatingly disabling. While it may seem these are awfully big words for such a short sentence, these are powerful topics due sober and insightful attention. One does not get to be “sick and tired” by being either physically sick, or tired. Being sick and tired is a combination spiritual and mental condition. Perhaps I would go even as far as to say it is a spiritual or mental disorder. No one drives another to being sick and tired and no one is capable of recovering another form this condition, excepting the person who is sick and tired. And they, of course, must first become sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Hindsight, as they say, is twenty-twenty, and Lee’s had become so over the last thirty or so years. On a day he went to an NA meeting, cognizant of the fact no one knew he was going to any meeting, he was now in hindsight able to see he had grown sick and tired of being sick and tired. At the time, he was confused as to why, he actively internalized and considered his confusion, and he went anyway. The import and significance of this step was not lost on Lee. Recognizing the inherent self-commitment in his act, he went. This was a standout, “leave a mark” kind of moment in Lee’s life.
When on a journey, with a goal in mind, a person is in constant motion, metaphorically speaking. They are either moving towards their goal , or they are moving away from it. There is no pause button as life is being recorded, which it obviously always is. It is not recorded one day, one hour, one second at a time; no, it is recorded real-time! All the time!
As Lee stepped from a borrowed car, being acutely aware of that his outward actions were reflecting of an inward commitment, he strode with confidence to the door of the “Keep It Simple Stupid” NA club and was prepared for the consequences.
Saying “we make our own luck” is an argument against luck to begin with, right? Well, for brevity’s sake, Lee claims luck that Danny was there that day. For it was Danny’s acceptance and attention that he needed, and it was what Lee got. One might say it was Lee’s six foot two, two hundred pound, body frame that drew Danny’s Excited attention, and he gave it with enthusiasm. “Do you like to play softball?” Danny asked. Having received affirmation that Lee did indeed like play, “Want to?”, he ask with a smile. So started the next leg in recovering a life, which was, up until then, being wasted.
Suddenly, I … I mean Lee, no longer felt sick and tired, but rather felt pumped and ready to run life’s bases. Over the coming months and some years, no home runs were hit, but some triples and doubles, and lots and lots of singles, were. It was only after a “chance” encounter with my future wife, that Lee, I mean Wint, hit a home run. I’ll leave that story for later.
P.S. When I say this, for gosh sakes don’t presume I have a clue as to the reality of, well … most anything, and certainly not God. But, let us “Praise God, From Whom All Blessings Flow”! For, even in my ignorance, I know there is a God, no matter the inanity of my expression. I know well Grace when I experience it, and when I see it in, and from, others. It is by such that I have my wife, and my life.